Thursday, November 18, 2010

College girls go Gaga for the French

About to go under the academic microscope

The University of South Carolina is all set to offer a course on Stefi Germanotta's meteoric rise to fame as a pop artist from a relative unknown in very little time. The concept itself is fine; I'm sure it'll be a perfectly respectable course, grounded in sociological theory and theories of fame going back thousands of years; Gaga is the natural case study.

What gets me is what will no doubt be the end result. Professor famedocteur will be doing his utmost to teach the class, but no doubt lingers in my mind that the girls, sorry, students, will be having none of the readings or theory. Half will be showboaters looking for some sort of magical bitchstar uniqueness formula. The other half will be musically minded women who've known their scales since age 6, wanting to learn crazy from the ground up. "None of this sociology rubbish, get me seven kilos of raw steak. I needa be famous by the next time mom calls."

The professor, Matthieu Deflem, has been a huge follower of pop culture since the 1960s. He better hope he doesn't have a shred of silver fox in him. For the purposes of this article, I have taken the liberty of researching the perfect recipe for a clusterfuck. It is as I suspected.

Take one older French gentleman, make sure he has seen Lady Gaga perform in excess of 20 times. Now have him meet her 5 times. NB: Doctorate essential. What you want to do now is throw him into a classroom half full of frustrated music performance students and half full of extroverted famewhores itching (pun, STD's and that) to get ahead by any means necessary. Let simmer on high heat for approximately 2-3 months. Your end result should resemble a broken, newly divorced, academically tarnished professor (herpes not certain but probable), and a classroom full of A students who never did any of the reading.

Perhaps the sneaky Monsieur rigged it this way to start with. He probably thought he was so clever, what with his packing a classroom full of daddy issues and frustration and all. What he is sadly yet to learn is that college girls are scary, and even moreso when the only man in sight is older, French, and a goddamn professor. I can see the texts going back and forward now.

Beckii: Case of 4loko says I fuck him by weekend
Tifani: OMG bitch hes probly married
Tifani: Fine its on  but im gonna get him first
Charlotte: "Mass blackout text: Anyone who knows what happened to my vagina last night, please inform me. Also dibs the frog."
Beckii: Ground rules: no rape?
Charlotte: No deal. I bought nightnight pills esp.

Frenchy's in for a ride. Girls with good grammar are always crazy.


  1. Disagree with the poster above. Gaga is a sexbot.

  2. Cool story, bro!
    Following your blog

  3. I am so confused as to what this professor is trying to accomplish...