Tuesday, November 23, 2010

1L students, take note

Charlie's grin, prior to commencement of his 'they can't prove I nailed her' dance.

Charlie Sheen's lawyer has made a statement denying that there was ever a sexual encounter between Charlie and Capri, nevermind one that was paid for. Seriously, guys, she was just the hired 'entertainment.' Does Sheen not realize that the only two possible explanations are either that he hired this woman for sex, or that Charlie Sheen actually had to pay a woman to do strictly nonsexual acts? Talk about Sophie's choice.

This is essentially the lawyer meets gold digger meets alcoholic equivalent of when you put sandwiches in the fridge at work and then someone eats them. You confront them about it but there's no proof because they burned the condom. Or something. There's no smoking gun anyway (which in a prostitution case, pretty much has to be a hidden camera, and an undercover cop yelling "FUCK ME FOR MONEY BUT ONLY IF YOU WANT TO," while 4 detectives crowd around a TV in the next room watching).

I've always thought that lawyers must have a field day with this burden of proof stuff. If there's no actual evidence, you can invent whatever explanation you want and it pretty much has to do. With that one denial, the cops know everything they need to know to axe the investigation. Sheen isn't gonna cop to it, the girl is gonna lie through her teeth whichever way gets her money, and the lawyer is going to sit back, get paid, and laugh. That's not a prosecution, that's a goddamn episode of The Practice.

I should write legal dramas. I think my first work will be 'The case of the extremely expensive timepiece that some whore couldn't keep her hands off while the nice man snorted some powder in the next room." What do you think? ...Guys?


  1. Charlie Sheen is always getting in trouble they should leave him alone lol

  2. charlie sheen needs time in the pen. and needs to start getting his priorities straight. buying whores and snorting coke, this man needs serious rehabilitation.

  3. I love his show but he's got some serious problems that need working out.